A RESILIENCE TOOL
FROM DR. TRUNG NGO
The Weave
A simple way to look at your life and see what’s helping you cope — and what might quietly be making it harder.
It’s a picture you draw of your own life. You in the middle, and everything that shapes your days around you. It takes about twenty minutes and costs nothing.
Free PDF · 6 pages · print it, or use any blank sheet
Each line is how something feels. The dashed outlines mark what's worth a closer look — the handful of things where the feeling and the effect don't match.
WHY DRAW IT
What steadies you is rarely one big thing
When you’re living with long-term pain — or any hard season — what helps most is a steady sense that you’re going to be okay, no matter what happens. That steadiness comes from two places: the people, places and activities you engage with, and what you’ve built inside yourself to meet them with.
The Weave shows you where your strength is coming from, where something might be draining you, and — the part most tools miss — where the two don’t line up. The habit that soothes you but keeps you stuck. The effort that’s hard now but is slowly building you up.
From there, small changes leave you better held.
BEFORE YOU BEGIN
Find your anchor
Choose someone who steadies you and whose judgment you trust. You can ask them to sit with you while you work, and to be there as you make changes.
No such person right now? Use something that steadies you instead — a pet, a place, the memory of someone from your past, a song, a film, a hero of yours real or imagined, or your faith. Come back to your anchor often as you go.
Your Weave is yours
It only helps if you can be honest on it. You should feel completely free to draw the truth about everyone and everything in your life. If the person who most affects you is also someone you wouldn’t feel safe drawing honestly in front of, do this on your own — many people prefer to anyway, at least the first time — and bring it to us. No one else needs to see it until you decide they can.
HOW IT WORKS
Six steps, about twenty minutes
You’ll need the template from the download (or a blank sheet) and three colours — blue, red and grey. No coloured pens? Use three different kinds of line: straight, wavy, dashed. Take your time. There’s no rush and no right answer.
Put yourself in the centre
Write your name in the middle. Everything else revolves around this — because everything in your life, good and hard, lands on you.
Add the things that matter
Around your name, write down the people you have important relationships with; the groups that are part of who you are; the places you spend a lot of time; the things you do regularly, including habits like smoking or snacking; the qualities you identify with; and your pain itself, if it also gives you something — meaning, or a way of connecting with others.
Some things fit in more than one place. That’s completely fine.
First pass — how each one feels
Go on feeling alone here. Don’t think about whether something is good for you — just notice what it does to you in the moment. Draw one line from each thing to you.
- Blue if it tends to leave you feeling calm or light
- Red if it tends to leave you feeling tense or heavy
- Grey if you feel neutral, mixed, or you can’t tell
One line per thing. Go with your first, overall sense — that instinct is the honest answer, and it’s what the next pass works from.
Second pass — what each one does over time
Now look again, with a longer view. For each thing ask: looking at the year ahead, is this adding to my life, or taking from it?
Then circle two kinds of thing: every grey line, and anything where the feeling and the year ahead don’t match.
You’ll usually circle only a handful. Those circles are the most useful marks on the whole page — they’re where a small change makes the biggest difference.
See how things connect
Look at everything together. Do some make it easier to reach others — going to the gym regularly makes it easier to see friends? Do some get in the way of others — caring for a parent gives you purpose but leaves less room for the work that gives you identity?
Look for small changes
Start with your circles. If something feels good but is costing you, you don’t have to give it up — ask what it’s giving you, and where else you could get that. Find the other source first, and the costly thing loosens its hold on its own.
If something feels hard but is building you, could you take it in smaller, steadier doses? If a grey thing is quietly adding to your life, lean in a little. If it’s quietly taking, ease off.
WHAT WE LOOK FOR
Four places steadiness comes from
You don’t need to memorize this — it’s simply what we help you notice when we draw your Weave together. People tend to cope better with pain when their life gives them enough of these.
In your body
- Physical ease — movement, comfort, a body that isn’t always tense
- Energy — enough to do what matters to you, and to rest
In who you are
- A sense of identity — being part of something that gives you pride and belonging
- Purpose and meaning — a sense that your life matters
- Having a voice in how you live — real choices, real control
In what you have
- Time — enough of it, and some choice over how it’s spent
- The basics — food, a safe and calm place to be, money, medical care, chances to learn or work
- Understanding — knowing what’s happening to you, and why
In the world around you
- Supportive relationships — people who are there for you
- Being believed — a sense that your experience is real and taken seriously
- Fair treatment — being treated as an equal
- Routine and rhythm — predictable days, regular gatherings, practices that matter to you
The more of these you’re getting, the more you have to draw on. The Weave helps you find where they’re strong and where they’re thin.
FREE DOWNLOAD
Draw your Weave
Six pages: what to look for, how to draw it, a finished example, and a blank template. Print it, or draw it on any blank sheet of paper.
Want more like this? Occasional resources on resilience and chronic pain.
WHEN YOU'RE DONE
You don't have to make sense of it alone
Seeing it on paper is often the first step to feeling steadier. Working through the circles together is where a lot of the good work happens.
Bring your Weave to your next visit, or talk it through with your anchor. If you’d like to go through it with someone here, start with a free 15-minute consultation — we’ll talk about what you’re carrying and how we’d approach it.